I appreciated the opportunity to review several articles
related to conflict and conflict resolution, particularly as it
relates to “in the trenches” ministry. It was because of this
fact that I was able to derive the greatest value. And it is
also because of this that I am able to relate these articles
back to Scriptures. To that extent the articles were full of
First of all, there is a widely perpetuated myth that
conflict is immoral, or even sinful. It seems likely that this
myth is spread by the reality of our consistent failures when it
comes to how people respond to various conflicts. In other
words, because we are so accustomed to the negative outcomes
that come from handling conflict poorly, we naturally assume or
that conflict in sinful. This is not true and is supported
neither by the inspired Scriptures nor practical experience.
Reading the articles help to reinforce my thinking on this.
The truth is that our behaviors and choices before and
after the conflict is what is actually sinful or glorifying to
God. Conflict by itself is amoral. Jesus’ life serves as a clear
representation of this challenging reality. The Gospels record
one conflict after another between Jesus and His contemporaries.
For example, the Gospel of John records Jesus’ creation of
conflict and details his response.
13 When it was almost time for the Jewish Passover, Jesus
went up to Jerusalem. 14 In the temple courts he found people
selling cattle, sheep and doves, and others sitting at
tables exchanging money. 15 So he made a whip out of cords,
and drove all from the temple courts, both sheep and
cattle; he scattered the coins of the money changers and
overturned their tables. 16 To those who sold doves he
said, “Get these out of here! Stop turning my Father’s
house into a market!” 17 His disciples remembered that it is
written: “Zeal for your house will consume me” (John 2:13-
In this example, the fact that Jesus was involved in a
fairly serious conflict demonstrates that it is not inherently
sinful. However, in this instance (and in Jesus’ opinion) these
conflicts were initiated because of the sinful attitudes and
actions of those that he was in conflict with.
One other consideration related to the amoral nature of
conflict is its inherent inevitability. Fundamentally, conflict
is simply the absence of agreement. Or more specifically,
according to Dictionary.com it is defined as: coming into
collision or disagreement; being contradictory, at variance, or
in opposition. It seems rather obvious that disagreements and
variances are going to happen between people—even those with
especially close and loving relationships (i.e. parent/child or
spouses). Man was created to be a unique individual. That one
fact alone is bound to create conflicts.
This leads naturally to the question, “what causes
conflict”? In his article, “Seven Reasons for Staff Conflict,”
Jacobsen lists several factors that create conflict: majoring in
minors, miscommunication, environment, diversity in perspective,
generational differences, theological disagreements and a lack
Certainly, as has been referred to, conflict can be created
innocently; and it may simply be a matter of two people
respectfully disagreeing about an issue that is entirely
innocuous or benign. However, that is not necessarily the case;
and the Bible speaks loudly and clearly about defining those
behaviors and attitudes that instigate conflict that may not be
entirely above reproach; or that which may actually be sinful.
Paul’s comments in his letter to the Ephesians serve to frame
this conversation. He writes:
And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you
live. Remember, he has identified you as his
own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of
redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh
words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior.
32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving
one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
Through these comments, Paul appears to be making the case that
these particular behaviors contradict the will and nature of the
Holy Spirit: bitterness, rage, anger, harsh and slanderous words
and all other types of evil behaviors. He then gives three
directions that, not coincidently, align themselves with his
more famous list found in Galatians 5:22-23 (love, joy, peace,
patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-
control). It’s clear that (according to v.32) Paul is providing
direction that, if followed, will limit unnecessary conflict.
For example, Paul is saying that we ought to live without rage,
anger, harsh words and slander—the perfect ingredients for a
feud. So what causes conflict? At least according to Paul,
conflict is created when people live contrary to the will and
leading of the Holy Spirit.
Many of the Proverbs mirrors Paul’s thinking. Or perhaps,
it’s more accurate to say that Paul’s direction may actually be
reflecting teachings found in the Proverbs. Specifically, 15:1
states that “a gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words
make tempers flare.” This clearly teaches that angry and harsh
words incite tempers; which in turn produces or exacerbates
conflict. Anger and harshness is in direct opposition to
gentleness and kindness, two “Fruits of the Spirit.”
Proverbs 18:13 shares another direction that aligns itself
with Paul’s teachings in Galatians. It states that, “spouting
off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish.”
This is a clear indictment against a lack of patience, another
“fruit of the Spirit”. Proverbs 26:20-21 provides one additional
example. “Fire goes out without wood, and quarrels disappear
when gossip stops. A quarrelsome person starts fights easily as
hot embers light charcoal or fire lights wood.” The first of
these two proverbs indicate that gossip is a common source of
conflict. It’s reasonable to conclude that a lack of self-
control is a common source of gossip. In the second proverb, the
writer indicates that a quarrelsome person does not live at
peace. These are two more “fruits of the Spirit. One last time .
. . based upon this evidence, it seems that at least some
conflict is generated when people live contrary to the will and
leading of the Holy Spirit.
As was discussed previously, this truly lays at the crux of
the matter because it is often at this point that sin enters
into the picture. Again, conflict alone is not sinful. However,
manner in which it is created and resolved may certainly be. So
what does the Bible say with regard to resolving conflict? What
direction exists that would lead a God-fearing and Spirit-
following person to successfully navigate conflict? The answer .
. . plenty.
Keeping in mind that giving in to the opposite party is not
necessarily the right choice, Proverbs 19:11 provides a
compelling argument. It states that “sensible people control
their temper; they earn respect by overlooking wrongs.” In
short, it may well be the case that the best way to resolve a
conflict is to ignore the transgression that instigated it.
Paul provides several strong teachings on handling
conflict. For example, in Colossians 3:13-15 Paul says that we
make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone
who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you
must forgive others. 14 Above all, clothe yourselves with
love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. 15 And
let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts.
For as members of one body you are called to live in peace.
And always be thankful.
He also shares in 1 Peter 3:8-9 that
all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each
other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be
tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude. 9 Don’t repay
evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people
insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is
what God has called you to do, and he will bless you for
Perhaps the greatest teaching on handling conflict comes
from Paul in his letter to the Philippians 2:3-5. In this letter
it seems that Paul was attempting to reconcile damaged
relationships. He writes in this text, “don’t be selfish; don’t
try impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than
yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take
an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that
Christ Jesus had.”
Thanks to Garage Door Service Aurora for sponsoring this weeks blog!